Social Anxiety

So, there's something that's always on my mind and I've never really told anyone about it. I figure there could be no better place to admit my strangeness than on my blog with a negative amount of readers. =) Although, if you are reading it, don't feel as if you're being invasive and need to leave. I do want to share.

So, I'm pretty sure sure I have like a mild form of social anxiety. I hate leaving my house more than ever. Don't get me wrong... most of the time I hate being here, but leaving makes me feel sorta wobbly, and not in a good way. If I'm leaving my house to go to a friend or relative's house that's no big deal, but anytime I'm going to be in a social setting, I feel anxious. I feel like other people have skills that I don't... like the ability to talk to people you don't really know without wanting to put a plastic bag over you own head. I feel like I'm missing the skills to build proper relationships... and while I point to my boringness for my lack or friends and general appearance for my lack of boyfriend, I can't help but fear that it's the skills (I feel) I'm missing keeping me from branching out to other people. I don't really make friends easily, and meeting new people makes me nervous. I feel like I'll never have anyone new in my life, and I'm probably alienating the people who already are in my life.

Now, I say that I feel this is mild, because the problem doesn't completely disrupt my life. I feel anxious at leaving the house, but the nerves tend to decrease once I'm actually in the situation. I still feel ill at ease, mind you, but I still, you know, function properly and everything. This isn't a crippling problem, per se, but it does bother me.

I wasn't always like this. I didn't use to feel anxious and nervous if someone invited me to a party or an outing or something. Perhaps this is something that has developed in me because of not having school or a job or a social life. I dunno. I guess the point of this post was that it's more or less time that I own it. I figure that I can't begin to build the bridge that will eventually (hopefully) get me over this until I accept and acknowledge that my feelings are probably not completely normal. I don't actually want to become a recluse.