Sunday, July 16, 2017

I am trying very hard.  You know, I really am.  Sometimes I'm able to keep going, and it's good.  Other times I feel like laying down and giving up.  But I haven't yet.

Friday, June 30, 2017

I grow very weary of life.  Of the individual parts of my life.  Life as a whole.  It would mean a lot to me if things would just... not be awful.  Just for a little while.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

I don't know how to write without it taking a lot out of me.  Creative efforts are that way in general, but it feels like there's always a little destruction and devastation before I can produce anything.  And then I'm still not happy with any of it... no one appreciate it, because why should they? It's not very good.  And I continue to be unhappy.  I'm unhappy when I don't write, unhappy when I do.  I wish I wasn't a writer sometimes.  How much better would my life be if I just gave it up? Gave up hope that I'll do anything with it or ever find it fulfilling again?  Probably a lot.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

reading is fundamental

I wish I had kept track of all the books I've read since I started volunteering at the library.  I've been reading so much more, and I'm happy about that.  As a kid, I read absolutely voraciously but due to depression it just got harder when I got older.  Harder to focus and find the same enjoyment in it.  But it's been better lately.  Mostly I've been reading kids books and comics and manga, but I have had some grown up books in there.  I've read a lot of diverse stuff lately so it's cool.  I'll list the titles I remember.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

cool story ideas

  • au where i'm happy
  • au where i have a will to live
  • au where i have a support system
  • au where i didn't feel the need to post shit like this lol i hate it too

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

“it gets better” they say, emphatically and cheerfully.  the uwu is evident in their voice.  i survey my life, which has steadily gone down hill for the last decade at least, force a smile and say, “thank you.”  it’s what they want to hear, it’s how i can end the conversation. 

Monday, May 8, 2017

i dont feel strong enough to keep going