Working on getting up November and December book posts. I haven't had much free time recently and if I'm being totally honest, I've wanted to play Pokemon more than I've wanted to read, so that's why it's taking me a while. Unrelated but I truly admire anyone with a full time job and at least one hobby and a clean house and a social life. Or at least two of the above. I mostly just work and think about how I will have fun later and then I just like… don't have fun, lol. I work a pretty normal full time schedule – eight hours a day, five days a week. I'm scheduled for nine hours though because of lunch. I very rarely clock out on time though. Call center, so you're done when you finish your last call, not when it becomes 7 oclock or whatever time you're off. If you factor in the time I spend in Lyfts or waiting for Lyfts, I'm out of the house close to 10 hours a day. It just feels like there's no time left in the day, even when there is.

it's a wonderful life

My main goal for the new year is to have a good time. I know that sounds frivolous, but a someone who has spent waaay too much time depressed and miserable and having lots of bad times, I feel like it's important that I make that effort for myself. Enjoy life as much as I can. But due to the fact that I've been extra stressed and miserable (like… stressed to the point that it's caused me to be physically ill), I'm making a concentrated effort NOW to enjoy the little things. One thing I really enjoy is live theater… but you know, I couldn't remember the last time I saw a play. So last weekend, I went to see It's a Wonderful Life performed live at a local community theater.

It's a Wonderful Life is my favorite Christmas movie, and honestly one of my favorite movies in general, so I was excited to see a live production! I had a really good time… the actors did a great job and it was staged really well. I ended up getting really emotional though of course… that story means so much to me. The play really made me think about it.

I relate to George Bailey. I relate to this character who feels out of control of a life that didn't turn out like he thought it would. This is a man who has done for others and lost out on so much, but has always tried to be kind and be thankful for what he has… a man who ends up in a situation that he feels there is no way out of.

There have been numerous points in my life where it felt like the sky was falling. Sometimes the crisis was real, and sometimes it was just a regular problem that my anxiety magnified… but I've been where George Bailey was. I've struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for years. And when I was at the worst of it (as, uh, I sometimes still am… healing isn't linear lol), I found myself at times wishing for a miracle like George got. When I was lonely, again as I still often am, I found myself wishing to feel like I had friends enough to be as rich as George Bailey.

I have had some miracles to get me through the really bad times and keep this leaky roof over my head, and this story reminds me to be grateful for that.

I could also sit here and go into how any criticism of this movie for being “too depressing” truly misses the point, or how it's incredibly timely that the backdrop of this story is a poor community full of people struggling for property rights (and how, as someone who has survived foreclosure, this resonates deeply with me)… but I'll leave it here and save the in depth thoughts to more eloquent folk.

The play was a really lovely experience – at once true to the movie and able to stand on its own. My fellow Bakersfield peeps, it's playing at the Empty Space for one more weekend… you should catch it if you can! As I said, I saw the play last week… I meant to write this sooner, but I was having computer difficulty. And then I got worn out because of work, lol. Better late than never I guess.

When I checked in on facebook at the theater last week, I got an ad that another local theater (Bakersfield Community Theater) was showing Miracle on 34^th Street, so I went to that tonight. I really enjoyed it too, and that's another favorite Christmas story of mine… but I don't have the energy to go in depth with my thoughts. There wouldn't be as much to say because as much as I do love it, I don't have quite the same connection with it. But I would recommend going to see it at BCT next weekend if you can!