i have more feelings and i apologize in advance

lately i've felt so disconnected from everyone... so unwanted.  i try not to take certain things personally, because intellectually i'm sure they're not personal, but... it's hard to understand that on an emotional level.  if something hurts, my kneejerk reaction isn't to analyze why it hurts and try to fix that, but to just be sad that i have to be hurt.  and that's kind of pathetic, i don't want to be that way... yet i'm just not... capable of more.  i don't know how to be better than i am.  i don't know how not to care how people treat me.