I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Not with my life, not on a day to day basis... not even in regards to small unimportant things. I don't want to be here anymore. But whatever. I'm not going anywhere though... I'll be fine.
I've been struggling a lot. Sleeping is hard, thinking non negative thoughts is hard, getting out of bed in the morning is hard. Last night I was so miserable I literally ached... I could feel sadness spreading through my chest... and I don't even know why. There was nothing different going on. I was just more or less fine until I wasn't, and then it felt like there was a pile of bricks on me.
I'm 27 years old now. How old will I be when I feel like I'm functioning right again? How old will I be before I stop living in a constant rut of doldrums? I try so hard to pick myself up, but it just feels like too much. What if I never reach the point where I'm strong enough to do it? How can I live with myself if this is who I'm going to be for the rest of my life?
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