My 100th Post

I have written on this blog in a while... I'm sorry for that.  It does help to be able to get things out, and I usually feel safer doing it here than on any other platform, so I don't know what the problem has been.  Lack of motivation, I'm guessing.

If I was to describe the last couple of weeks, I would say that depression has pretty thoroughly kicked my ass.  I'm very unhappy, I'm very empty, I'm very alone.  I try to talk to people, and the words come out wrong.  I try to hold it in, and it's pretty obvious I'm sitting on something.

Sometimes it scares me when I can't get out of bed or struggle to get food into my body or wish every night as I lay down in my bed that I would just die in my sleep.

I'm so scared.

In other news, I'm going to visit my family next month.  I'm nervous and excited (nervousited, as Pinkie Pie would say) at the same time.