I might do that.
So lately I've been feeling like a bad person. Like okay, yeah... I always feel like a bad person, but lately, I don't know. I just feel like I'm being a bitch all the time, and yet I can't stop myself from having every word come out like I'm Miranda Priestly telling you your use of florals in the spring line is groundbreaking.
Okay, maybe I'm not that bad. But I keep feeling like I'm not being as warm as I should be. Maybe it's because I'm fast approaching my 63rd birthday and I'm acting like a crotchedy old woman.
And I also really hate looking back at this blog, at my old posts. You can tell when I started to become... whatever the fuck I am now... the quality of writing drops and the voice changes drastically. You can barely say that I even have a voice at certain points. It's like a lively young person began this blog and then handed it over to a metaphorical zombie. Looking back just reminds me of everything I've lost... and back then I didn't even feel like I had anything special. And maybe I didn't... but it's still more than now.
Sometimes I get mad at myself for feeling like how I feel. Like I should just be able to will myself out of it. Seriously, if anyone gives you that crap about making yourself feel happy or deciding to be happy, you should just roll your eyes or shove them or something. And if anyone is reading this and you happen to be the mythical creature that can make him or herself just be happy, I both envy and fear you.
What a rambling blog post about nothing. This is what my diaries were like when I kept them.
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