*inhuman noises*

And not the happy kind.

I don't know.  There's just a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head and I can't follow any of them through to their logical completion.  I'm upset about  a lot of things.  I haven't seen Guardians of the Galaxy.  No one cares about my birthday.  It feels like no one cares about me.  I'm lonely.  I'm sad and tired.  I can't write.  I'm broke.  Robin Williams is dead.

I don't remember what it was like to get anything but disappointment.

And I... I think I just realized I won't even have cake on my birthday.  I'm not going to have the one present I wanted, I'm not doing anything special, and I won't get cake.  Can't imagine I'll even get alcohol or a meal that is in any way special.

For several days straight I've felt like I was about to cry.  You know that awful feeling, right before the tears fall?  That moment when you feel so weak and vulnerable, but you know it's coming and you can't stop it?  Yeah, for days... three or four.  I don't know... they blend together at this point.  I've teared up a little, but the actual crying hasn't happened but I kinda wish it would?  I just want to get the emotion thing over with.  I feel like someone should just punch me in the face or something... that oughta get the tears flowing.