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So I'm trying hard.  It doesn't show, of course in my actions and you can't hear it in my words.  But I'm trying.  I'm trying not to lose this battle.  I'm trying not to go from bad to worse.  I'm trying to keep my head above water.  I feel like I'm failing, though.  I wonder if my effort really matters, if it really counts, if no one else can see it and it ends in a failure anyways.

I feel like such a mess.