something

So sometimes I'm sad.  Sometimes I'm angry.  Sometimes I just hurt, not even for any reason.  And other times, I feel nothing at all.  The emptiness is weird and scary but also, when it comes at the tail end of an extreme bout of one of those other emotions, it's kind of a relief in a weird way.  Right now I feel the empty.  Early today I was angry and my fuse was very short.  I was very misanthropic and I could have named about three people on the planet that I didn't detest at that moment.  And now I don't have the energy to feel anything.  It doesn't even take energy but I don't have it.  I just feel weird, I don't know.  Like I want to do better, stop being awful, but how?  How do I make myself care that I'm doing nothing with my life and generally am a piece of shit?  Tough questions.