feelings

Sometimes when you don't feel good, people will try to cheer you up.  Sometimes this works, if even just because it's nice to know others are concerned.  But sometimes it makes you feel worse... you're mad at yourself because some kind person is trying to help you but you're just being ungrateful for that.  That's how you feel.  You feel like there's something wrong with you because you're not being cheered up by their kindness... like if it helps others, it should help you too... but because it doesn't, you're broken.  You must be.  And people say nice things -- kind and generous words that make you smile and/or blush -- but as much as you know these people care about you, you can't believe it.  Like part of you knows it's true but you won't believe it anyways.  Our brains are so unkind to us... mine treats me like shit.  And I'm tired of it and I hate it.