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I don't know when the goal to post on this blog once a week became so difficult, but it is.  And here we are several months later.  Little has changed -- I'm still depressed, I still wish I was dead, I still don't know how to deal with jack shit.  Some things have happened -- I now volunteer at the library around the corner from me.  I'm getting kind of independent... or I'm trying to be.

So... yeah.

Right now, I'm ruminating on relationships.  Friendships, romance... all that.  I settle for less.  I settle for less in every area, because I'm terrified that in refusing LESS I will end up with nothing.  I have these friends who hurt my feelings... I don't stand up to them because the thought of being alone, being left AGAIN, scares me so much.  I wonder why I attract people that take advantage of that though.

I'm so weak.