Sometimes I feel really unloved. Like, starting with myself and going right down every relative and friend I have, I feel like no one loves me. I don't love myself no matter how hard I try. If there was a way to divorce oneself without all that messy dying, I'd have done it a long time ago. And see, I'm looking at everything I've written here and it's like "God, could you be any more pathetic? Look at you feeling sorry for yourself... this is very unattractive, and it's why no one likes you." And I hate thinking like that, and I'm trying so hard not to, to unlearn that. It isn't easy. They tell you no one will love you if you don't love yourself, but what about if you can't love yourself? What if you've spent 26 years trying and have sometimes been able to fake it, but really haven't mastered it? What then? Will no one ever love you? Are you doomed to a life with no friends and no romantic prospects? Should you just accept at 26 that you'll probably never have the children you've always wanted because no one finds you appealing enough to date and/or marry you, let alone get you pregnant? Will it be any easier to love myself when I'm childless and still single at 50 than it is now? I don't know. That was a lot of rambling.
It's been a weird day.
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