uwu

It's been a while, I think.

I've done some pretty cool things since my last post -- got to hang out with a friend who lives far away (at Disneyland no less) and went to the local comic-con.  My other friend had a birthday and I got to celebrate it with her.  I got a haircut and new kicky curls (that are falling by now, but really I'm surprised they've lasted this long).  So that's all been really awesome.

Mentally/emotionally, I've been chugging along okay.  I'm getting by would probably be the best way to describe it.  I feel a little poopish right now because I was going to sit with my niece and nephew (both of whom I love a lot... I was really looking forward to it) but my cousin didn't need me to do it after all.  So yeah... now I'm just sitting home alone reading comic books.  (Or I was reading them... kinda lost focus.  That happens to me sometimes.)

I can tell though that even though things have been going all right and I've been doing some cool and fun things, I'm still not where I should be.  I'm still dealing with whatever.  I've noticed that when I start to get bad, the first thing I lose interest in is my doll collection (followed by keeping up with my TV shows and reading comics).  I'm somewhere between two and three.  But I don't know... I'm not even properly low.  Just lacking in everything.  I'm tired and I don't care.  I don't have the energy to care.  This is one of those phases where most of the time I'm not even sad... there's just nothing going on.  The lights are on but no one is home.

November is going to be here soon, and with it NaNoWriMo.  I'm not at all excited for it or ready for it or looking forward to it.  I don't even really want to do it, but I'm afraid if I don't I'll feel like I'm not doing anything (which honestly I'm not... and I haven't for a really, really long time).  I'm still not even 100% sold on this thing I'm planning to write.  And speaking of writing, I'm planning to get back to my holiday fics and I haven't gotten anywhere with the Halloween one.  I just... I don't know.  It's not like people are really reading them anyways.  Who cares.  I wrote something a while back and a few people liked it but meh.  It wasn't Halloween.  It wasn't much.  I was actually pretty pleased with how it turned out and then it only got like a handful of likes, so clearly I can't trust my own judgment.  But seriously... writing is hard.  And the way I do it, it's also thankless.  No one would care if I didn't do holiday fics.  No one would care if I didn't do NaNo.

Man, I suck at motivating myself.