Bricks

So, I'm continuing my journey to self-discovery. Or self-diagnosis... or whatever.

I've decided to keep a log in which I'm going to record when I have these irrational mood swings. This isn't the log, of course, but I'm taking instances from them and going into detail. I'm writing this on my blog instead of in the log or something else private because I'm much more likely to revisit it here, and that's my intention.

I'll be feeling perfectly normal and then some completely irrelevant thing will have me near tears. These are the most common mood swings. There are rarer beasts though... at one point, I had this weird moment where I went to a really happy high for some reason, and then I crashed a moment later. There was a reason... something made me happy, but as soon as I crashed, I couldn't remember it.

Last night when I was in bed, I was trying to read, but I couldn't concentrate a bit. My thoughts kept straying very heavily to something I want... I felt completely out of control of them, and that's an entirely new feeling. It was like an ADD moment, except I don't have ADD. This was the most puzzling episode (besides waking up this morning after two hours or sleeping and being convinced my clock was wrong because it seemed I had been asleep longer).

This afternoon I had a really bad feeling. I was feeling average, and then suddenly I felt discontent. I wasn't really sad or unhappy, but quite discontent. And interestingly enough, I didn't think there was much of a distinction between those terms until I was experiencing it. It's hard to explain. My discontent weighed me down for a while... in my log, I described it as a brick resting in (or, probably more accurately, on) my psyche. I've had that brick feeling before, but I still don't know what to do with it.

But almost all of these feelings pass with adequate distraction. It's weird, and probably not the best way to deal with things. But what other options do I have?