Thoughts

I've been in a bad, weird place mentally recently.  Just extra depressed.  I'm really tired of the way that I am, just always emotionally bland or very low.  It's gross and not cute, and I wouldn't want to spend time with me if I was someone else.  So.  It's not great.  I've been very stuck in this rut for a long time, and I'm scared I won't be able to get out.  But goddammit I'm trying.  I'm doing my best to keep my head up.  It doesn't show though, and I wish it did.  I feel like people around me look at me and see some bitch who is just content to be discontent, and that's not true.  I'm doing my best, but progress is discouragingly slow.  I'm so sorry to anyone that's been disappointed by me.