I don't know how to write without it taking a lot out of me.  Creative efforts are that way in general, but it feels like there's always a little destruction and devastation before I can produce anything.  And then I'm still not happy with any of it... no one appreciate it, because why should they? It's not very good.  And I continue to be unhappy.  I'm unhappy when I don't write, unhappy when I do.  I wish I wasn't a writer sometimes.  How much better would my life be if I just gave it up? Gave up hope that I'll do anything with it or ever find it fulfilling again?  Probably a lot.