...

Sometimes I just want a way to get away from my feelings, even just for a while.  But it's difficult... I don't think there is such a way.  No magic "healthy coping mechanism" for me.  I think... I think I'm a lost cause.  I may never get better, so my choices are either learn to accept that it's always going to be like this, or end it so "always" never happens.  But I'm too weak for the former and too much of a coward for the latter.  This is why I feel like a lost cause.