Nine days to go

I can't think of a single reason to keep doing this.  NaNo, I mean.  Well, everything tbh.  It's just all so much.  I have literally no responsibilities and nothing going on in my life, and some how it's too much.  The pressure is so high.  I just want to fast forward until like... I don't know when.  A decade from now, maybe.  Twenty years.  I'd settle for December 1st, though.  But that isn't going to happen.  I'm not going to be any better of a writer or any less fail of a human being then either, so I may as well just deal with it now.  I'm behind by a little over a thousand words... that's not even that much, really.  And it just feels impossible.  It feels like there's no way I'll be able to catch up today or tomorrow or any time soon and it's pointless to even try.  I can't get that word "pointless" out of my head nowadays... it's how I feel about everything.  And I really hate myself for being such a negative, crybaby, trashcan of a person.