I've been home for like two hours, and I've been depressed for like two hours. Coincidence? You decide.
Have you ever felt like everything in the world was beating down on you at once? And you know there's nothing you can do to make it better. I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth and punched in the head just by life. I feel like everyone and everything in the world is setting out to pick us clean.
I've been really close to tears like eight times in the past couple of hours. I had one crying fit in my bedroom.
I just want everything to not suck anymore. I don't want to live this life anymore.
Sometimes I just want to cut off all my hair, assume some fake identity, and move across the country and not let anyone know I was leaving.
I'm sad and angry. And I just want to scream.
REALLLLLLY LOUDLY.
Seriously.
Nothing has worked out the way I planned for like the past decade. I know, that's life. I'm not trying to whine... I just... I need to vent. Because no one wants to listen to me.
And it's my blog, so I can be as annoying as I want.
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Oh dear, I don't know you, but I think I know how you feel. Sometimes all that helps is to scream. I sometimes take an empty plastic soda bottle and smack my pillow around to get some frustration out! It does help sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI've had a pretty horrible time of it too for the last 8 years or so. I had a stroke 8 years ago (I was only 42), then couldn't work because of it, but it took me 5 years to finally get the money I had coming for my disability. In the mean time, our house was foreclosed on. It's just been one thing after another for us.
Then, in October, my mom passed away. I've felt numb ever since and I miss her so much! If that isn't bad enough, my sister is trying to have us thrown out of our house (she's part owner, my mom left her 1/2 of the house to me). Then our car got repossessed. We spent all of our money paying for my mom's medical needs and fell 2 months behind on our car payment. The bank didn't even send us a letter that they were going to take it. It's definitely our fault for not making the payments, but we actually had enough to make 1 payment, so we'd have only been behind by 1 more payment.
Anyhow, I feel like you do, that it just seems like nothing goes our way! All I can do is hang in there and just keep taking it one day at a time and tackle whatever comes our way. Please try to do the same. I'll keep you in my prayers if it's ok with you.