the most dedicated library volunteer EVER

i'm about to head out into severe wind, some chill, and light rain (the harshest of winter weather where i live lol)  to walk to the library.  gluh, i deserve a medal for this.  though tbh i'm mostly going because i have a dvd due, and i can't afford to pay the late fees lol.  but honestly!! i'm still going, and i'm a great volunteer.

i have more feelings and i apologize in advance

lately i've felt so disconnected from everyone... so unwanted.  i try not to take certain things personally, because intellectually i'm sure they're not personal, but... it's hard to understand that on an emotional level.  if something hurts, my kneejerk reaction isn't to analyze why it hurts and try to fix that, but to just be sad that i have to be hurt.  and that's kind of pathetic, i don't want to be that way... yet i'm just not... capable of more.  i don't know how to be better than i am.  i don't know how not to care how people treat me.